[And really, that's so much of why he's struggled so much with him-- he's always there, and always has been, and he's never known what to do with it, and it took being thrown into space and finding a girl's entrails strung up like streamers in an atrium and her heart in a box to make him realize he should hold close what he holds dear, not keep it at arm's length. It's hard to say if he'd have come to that realization without Eluvio, without the forced and unpleasant jolt to make him realize how much he cared, that he cared enough to express it sometimes, even if it was hard. He thinks so little of himself he'd likely say he wouldn't have, but maybe he would have eventually regardless. With age does come wisdom, some people say.]

[He struggles with the contact for a moment, tense with his hand and tenser with his arm, but he closes his eyes and inhales, holding his breath for a few seconds before exhaling, and relaxing as he does so. He leans, just slightly, into the gesture, and the arm nearly pinned to his side by Karamatsu's weight shifts sideways and curls loosely around his hip, thumb hooking on a belt loop. He stares at their feet.]

...well, now that you've told me that, you're just about as required to tell me when you're lying and not being positive as I am when I'm lying and being hateful.

[He says the words before he can second-guess them, and then frowns, trying to replay what he said and make sense of it, because now that it's out of his head and in the air, he isn't sure it makes sense at all. He glances up, Karamatsu only taller because he doesn't slouch, and quirks his mouth briefly to one side.]

...I think, at least.