glitterpants | [ RIVERVIEW ] ✖ IC contact

_{[ He's legitimately surprised that Ichimatsu takes the time to grab a hold of his hand and mesh their fingers together. It might be an over intimate gesture towards other people, but the magnitude all six of them had for each other, through their bickering and strife, really outdid anyone.

He gives Ichimatsu's hand a squeeze once he is over it. ]}

Ah, forgive me but.. I think that maybe this is something that we needed to talk about! I don't think you would really talk about it otherwise, right?

[He can't handle hugs right now but he wants contact. Thus, hand-hug. This whole situation is A Lot, probably for both of them, but he's decided it's happening and he's a surprisingly tenacious person when he settles on something. He uses his other hand to smudge across his face, sniffing grossly and making a face, but eventually shrugging his shoulders to Karamatsu's question.]

Mmn.

[He tugs on their fingers.]

...Osomatsu's bothered you're out on the couch, too, you know. [Diverting the topic away from himself.]

_{[ Karamatsu is totally okay with hand hugs. He'll be patient. ]}

Oh? He's noticed I'm missing?
_{[ Don't be dumb. ]}

I suppose.. I should remedy that with a great come back, shouldn't I?

If I'm coming to you wanting you to come back to sleeping normally, you know Idiot McNii is worried, don't be an asshole.

[His tone is somewhere between joking and tired.]

I don't know if I want to know what your great comeback to sharing a bed with your brothers is going to be.

Mm.. probably not anything too great. Ahh, I know, surprising, isn't it?
Maybe some crying.
_{[ alcohol makes him honest in a time like this?? apparently so.. ]}

I guess.. sorry for making people worry.
_{[ For some reason, he didn't think it would be a big deal if he had a weird tantrum over his own personal problems. ]}

[He frowns and scoots forward, bumping their shoulders together.]

...don't apologize, we're all fucking dysfunctional.

_{[ He bumps his shoulder back in response. He smiles weakly. ]}
At least.. we can be dysfunctional together.

[Why does that make him want to cry all over again, fuck. His face pinches and he leans against him, dropping his head onto his shoulder.]

...yeah.

_{[ Karamatsu feels that weight sag onto his shoulder and he exhales carefully, relieved. Why was he relieved? Maybe he was relieved that Ichimatsu didn't completely hate him-- maybe he was relieved that he agreed to be together with him no matter how dysfunctional they were. It was kind of a little of both.

He supports him, eyelids growing heavy. ]}

...Believe it or not, even with our imperfections, I would not have it any other way.
_{[ oh, there's a little weak smile.. ]}

[He's tired. He's tired, and maybe so is Karamatsu, so maybe it's okay if he just... scoots closer, and turns into him to burrow against his side, curling and looping one arm through his brother's. He's just tired, this isn't really affection. It's not like he feels safe curled up to him like this, or anything. It's not like he always has.]

...'f course not. 'm tired, Karamatsu... [Ah yes, there he goes, being a whiny needy thing when he's drunk. Ichimatsu please act your age. Or maybe don't, maybe Karamatsu likes babying you. ~~Not likely.~~]

Mm.. yeah, I suppose I am too. What say you to doing to bed? Ah, I'll sleep where I am supposed to this time.. which is next to you if that is alright.

_{[ Man.. ]}

Um.. I'm sorry that I abandoned you with my own selfish feelings. I guess sometimes I'm just weak and need to do things on my own.

[He chuffs a quiet laugh, punching his side with all the force of an overcooked spaghetti noodle.]

Of course it's all right, you fucking moron. It's weird enough for there to only be three of us, sharing a huge bed like that with just Osomatsu has been... [He shakes his head. Lonely, is the word he's thinking of, but he won't say it.]

's whatever. I do that all the time, you're allowed space when you need it.

_{[ He brightens with drunken grandeur, entirely too happy about Ichimatsu's response. ]}

Oh.. I'm so thankful! I would have felt like a failure if you thought that I abandoned you.
_{[ He takes his time, struggling to stand to his feet. It's a success, but he's a little wobbly. ]}

Come on, my brother. Let's not focus too hard on how we're both big fuck ups, heh.

[He rolls his eyes, but with the way he closes his eyes almost entirely as he does it it mostly just looks like he blinked really slowly. Despite Karamatsu's wobbling, Ichimatsu reaches up and curls his hands around the knees of his pants and uses him as a support to stand, himself, hunched but overall relatively comfortable in stance.]

Who's focusing on being a fuckup?

_{[ He'll always be happy to support and help Ichimatsu in whatever ways he needs. Whether it be emotional support for physical support, he'll try his best to be there. Even if Ichimatsu gives him a hard time-- all the time-- he thinks it worth it when he has these small moments to spend with Ichimatsu and they actually bond. This happened so much on the Eluvio, too. It makes him wonder if none of this ever happened if they would have even bothered making an effort to be close.

Karamatsu steadies his hand on Ichimatsu's back, but eventually, he slides his arm around his shoulders so he can use Ichimatsu for support as well. ]}

Well.. maybe I'm focusing on it a little bit too much, eh? It's kind of a downer.. but I secretly think about it a lot, even when I say I'm being positive.

[And really, that's so much of why he's struggled so much with him-- he's always there, and always has been, and he's never known what to do with it, and it took being thrown into space and finding a girl's entrails strung up like streamers in an atrium and her heart in a box to make him realize he should hold close what he holds dear, not keep it at arm's length. It's hard to say if he'd have come to that realization without Eluvio, without the forced and unpleasant jolt to make him realize how much he cared, that he cared enough to express it sometimes, even if it was hard. He thinks so little of himself he'd likely say he wouldn't have, but maybe he would have eventually regardless. With age does come wisdom, some people say.]

[He struggles with the contact for a moment, tense with his hand and tenser with his arm, but he closes his eyes and inhales, holding his breath for a few seconds before exhaling, and relaxing as he does so. He leans, just slightly, into the gesture, and the arm nearly pinned to his side by Karamatsu's weight shifts sideways and curls loosely around his hip, thumb hooking on a belt loop. He stares at their feet.]

...well, now that you've told me that, you're just about as required to tell me when you're lying and not being positive as I am when I'm lying and being hateful.

[He says the words before he can second-guess them, and then frowns, trying to replay what he said and make sense of it, because now that it's out of his head and in the air, he isn't sure it makes sense at all. He glances up, Karamatsu only taller because he doesn't slouch, and quirks his mouth briefly to one side.]

...I think, at least.

Nobody said anything about that. Heh, after all, that spoils everything about us, doesn't it?
_{[ He escorts them both towards the bedroom where their giant futon is. For it being so far from home, it does help having at least two of his brothers here and for them all to sleep together. It's a little odd for grown men to partake in such a habit, but nobody really understood the closeness they all shared. Sometimes they didn't even understand it.

He loosens his hold on Ichimatsu so he can crouch down and crawl into the futon, wiggling in the center of it so give him more room. ]}

One day, Ichimatsu, I truly believe we will be happy.. it seems like it is taking forever for that day to arrive, however. I grow tired.

[He makes a monotonous sound and doesn't otherwise reply, slinking away from his brother when they get to the futon and making quick work of changing into some sleep clothes. He waits for Karamatsu to worm into the bedding before crawling into his spot, turned away from him at first until he talks again.]

[He rolls over and looks at him for a long time, reaching out and smacking him real gently upside the head.]

Sleep, if you're tired. The happiness part can come later. [If he leaves his hand in Karamatsu's hair as they both fall asleep, it's surely not intentional, and only because he's too tired to move it.]

[ RIVERVIEW ] ✖ IC contact

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omg thank u for finishing this thread w me

honestly thank YOU they have needed this development for so long